Are bigger boobs ever actually your own choice?

I am all for you doing whatever you want to your body – it is yours (although please don’t do drugs, people). But if a woman choses to get a boob job or fuller lips is it then – even if it is because she thinks it looks good – ever actually an independent choice?

Most cosmetic plastic surgery fits into the standards of the male gaze, it makes you more fuckable to use a charming phrase but let’s not sugar coat the truth. Are any of our beauty standards independent choices? I’ll go out on a limb and say yes. Some are. Tattoos, make up choices, hair colour are all to a certain degree a choice made by women for themselves, most of us who don’t follow modern beauty standards will agree with me. To a lot of men we probably look absolutely ridiculous (yay). But big permanent alterations like a boob job are a different matter, I believe.

Or actually let’s start smaller. Like I shave my legs, and I tell myself I thought about it and I chose it, but why? Why do I think it looks better with smooth legs?

Because that’s what I was taught. Back to the boobs. I am a very small A cup and my whole life I wished my breasts were bigger because I thought it would look better (read: I thought boys would like me more – and they probably would have because boys are also taught that a certain body type is attractive).

It took me roughly 17 years from they began to show at 13 to around 30 before I started to learn to appreciate the way I look naturally. And I am not pointing fingers at women or men having work done. It is your body. But when people say there’s no need to change the world and the media I will argue that they are wrong.

You might be strong and clever enough to have learned not to buy into society’s beauty standards and you might think that you will pass that on to your kids. And sure, you might. But you are not the only influence in your childrens lives. And not everyone have you as a parent.

I grew up with a mother who was (and is) fairly indifferent towards body hair – but I was still taught by movies, magazines, TV and dammit even books that women should shave. So I did. I do. Children and young adults are easily influenced by friends and society because they are still finding themselves, they want to fit in.

That’s why we need change. Remember the Adidas model with hairy legs who got death threats and was encouraged to kill herself because she didn’t shave her legs. Because I do. So tell me again I had a choice growing up when the alternative was being told I was disgusting and had no right to live because I didn’t follow society’s rules. Now, that didn’t happen to me but it didn’t have to. Because we know, don’t we. We know what is acceptable because that is what we see. And we hear how people talk about other people.

We need to stop commenting on other people’s bodies and our own negatively especially in front of children. We need to see body hair on billboards, we need to see small breasts, we need to see real plus size people (don’t you dare give me that size 12 and call it plus), we need to see people of colour in advertisement, we need to see not-able bodied people in the media – we need all the stories and all the representation portrayed as normal and beautiful – because it is – and then maybe our grandchildren can have an actual choice.

The hate we carry

I quite often see women say that the reason they don’t want children say they don’t want their bodies to ‘be ruined’. First of all I want to stress I have no problem with women not wanting children. I get that. I didn’t want children until I did. That is your choice and no one has the right to question that. This isn’t about not wanting children.Read More »

9 months in…

I don’t think I really took any photos when I was 9 months pregnant. But 9 months ago Stormy was born. It’s true that time goes by quickly but I have never wanted it to slow down. His progress is fascinating and every new thing he learns fills me with excitement.Read More »

Dressing up – feat. Hearts and Found

“Oh you look so nice. Are you going to a party?”

No I’m going to the park with my kid. Why do we dress up for strangers or people we rarely see instead of the people we love?
Not all the time obviously. One of the main reasons you find a partner so you can look gross in your living room and still get laid, amIrite? But we would do well in remembering that the people we see every day also appreciate an effort.Read More »

Language matters

Already before I knew the sex of my baby I knew I would avoid the words ‘son’ or ‘daughter’, ‘boy’ or ‘girl’ as much as possible. I don’t want my child’s sense of self and personality to rest on a stereotype and how the world expects a boy and a girl to behave and what they are supposed to like. And I didn’t want to encourage him or her to view him- or herself as a gender first and a human and child second.Read More »

Literary mothers to look up to

Lily Cavanaugh – The Talisman: She drinks too much, she smokes and she leaves Jack too much to himself but she also believes in him and in magic when he needs her to let him go to save her. He’s not saving her for her sake but because Jack is 11 and not ready to loose his mother and she knows that. She’s fine with dying but she doesn’t want to leave her son.Read More »

What not to expect when you’re expecting

I didn’t expect to miss him when he’s sleeping.

I didn’t expect to want to be with him all the time.

I didn’t expect to think he is cute even when he’s mad.Read More »

Presence or presents?

Were you present for the holidays? Did you upload to social media or snapchat your friends?

Well, if you were I’m here to tell you that’s totally fine. In fact any way you celebrated the holidays is fine. As long you did what made you happy and comfortable.Read More »

You failed – Press start to continue

Yesterday I failed as a parent for the first time. It’s not like I have always known what I was doing but I always felt it was a learning process with room for error. Babies are made for new parents after all. So when something hasn’t gone to plan or has been hard I learned from it.Read More »

Childhood memories

I remember it was autumn and chilly. I had been playing outside all day and my mother made me a warm bath in the evening and told me that warm baths give you a big appetite although it probably was playing outside all day that was the actual cause. She had made soup and although I’m not actually that fond of soup it was the best meal I had ever had. It was just the two of us in the old farm house that for once seemed warm enough although it was always too cold in the winter.Read More »