I have mentioned suffering from eating disorders before so I was a little worried about being responsible for another person who is depending on my body. And I was worried about seeing my body change. How I would feel.
But honestly it doesn’t bother me. I view my body now with mild curiosity, how my skin stretches out to accommodate my growing belly, my nipples and breasts getting larger and yes my arms and thighs and probably butt getting bigger. I am not in awe that my body can do this or amazed by it. It just seems so natural, like it is fulfilling a purpose. I’m not saying the purpose of the female body is getting pregnant but it is a function it has – to build new humans. It is capable of this. I am curious as to how it will look efter baby vacates the premises but not too worried. For once in my life I don’t see my body as something hateful that is in the way of my being happy. I don’t feel like if only I could lose 10 pounds I’d be happy. For once I just am.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that getting pregnant is a miracle cure for bad self esteem or that I won’t have issues in the future or even that I won’t have issues during the last couple of months or didn’t have for the first couple of months. But now – right now – if only for a moment my body and I am at peace.
But I am still dead tired. I wake up 2-3 times each night to pee or try to get comfortable, it’s not all rainbows and roses here 😉