We need to talk about F.R.I.E.N.D.S….

I love the TV-show to be honest. I can still watch it and laugh – but I have also become aware of how extremely problematic is it. It very very very very white…we knew that and we forgave that, hell when I first watched it a million years ago I didn’t even notice because my whole world was white. I grew up in a small town and my mom dated a black man for a while when I was maybe 4 or 5 years old and that was the only person of color I really met and had any interaction with for years.

I have rewatched it a few times the last couple of years (it’s a no-brainer if you just to need to watch something while you eat lunch or to use up 22 min of waiting time) and I find many of the jokes just not funny anymore.

  1. Young Monica is NOT ridiculously obese! And the amount of fatshaming in Friends makes me cringe.
  2. What’s up with the homophobia – for men? So many times it is suggested that being gay or “girly” is the worst thing that could happen for a man.
  3. Joey’s womanizing – not so cute anymore.
  4. Almost no representation of anything but white straight cis people (I know Carol is gay, and that is great, but that’s often used as a fantasy for the men in the show, which is gross)

I am not saying you shouldn’t love it or never watch it again – but I think we need to be able to see the issues with the things we watch and read, even our faves. BUT – and this is important – we also need to not shame other people who don’t. I don’t mean that we need to silence ourselves. Marginalized and oppressed people have every right to be mad and they should voice that anger and frustration – and that’s where we come in – us who may be represented but still see the issues, us who don’t get hurt directly by it (as a society we get hurt but not as a direct result of misrepresentation). We can also call the out the ones who are tone policing the ones who are hurt. We can explain to our friends and family who don’t get it why this is important and why this is still an issue. Sure it’s nice to keep to the peace – but every time we let a homophobic/sexist or racist joke or comment slide we add to the shit in this world.

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing”

– we all know some version of this quote (Edmund Burke btw, and the quote is sexist in itself). Well, it starts today with ourselves.

Dress c/o Karina Dresses, shoes – old Modcloth.

On a lighter note – I am going to be so fucking boring fashion-wise the next 5 months or so. My clothes officially don’t fit me anymore and I just don’t have the money to buy expensive, fancy pregnancy dresses – there will be a LOT of repeat outfits in the future – like a lot. But luckily I can still wear some of my ‘regular’ dresses – my Karina dresses for example 😀 They are very light and will be perfekt for lugging a heavy belly around in the summer – I timed that well, at least I don’t have to buy an expensive new winter coat o.O I feel like there should some sort of tax reduction for pregnant people (wait what, don’t you mean women – actually I don’t. Transmen can still get pregnant) to buy all the shit we need, vitamins, clothes, bigger shoes! (not a problem for me yet, but I have heard some womens feet grow o.O) and what not. And the kid isn’t even born yet.

That’s only half meant as a joke btw. Raising children is a shared responsibility as I see it, even before I wanted kids myself. No child should be deprived of food and clothing of course but education and culture is equally important. I pay my taxes happily because I want to help pay for schools, universities, daycare, public libraries, hospitals etc. The problem is that all these institutions experience cuts while the people who already have money get tax cuts. Which pisses me royally off. More wants more. There’s an old saying: If you want help go to the poor because the rich won’t lift a finger for you.

I’m a socialist, as you may have noticed – most people in Denmark are to some extent. We pay some of the highest taxes in the world, but we also have free education, free health care (except dentists for some reason) and free public libraries. But we are moving in the other direction and it hurts my soul. The poor are blamed and demonized and their limited funds are cut repeatedly to “motivate” them to get a job – because not being able to clothe and feed your family is such a motivation to get a job that isn’t there. I have a 5 year education, a large network, I am fully capable both mentally and physically and I can’t even get a permanent job. It makes me sick to my stomach that we have a rich society that does not see itself as a safety net for human beings but rather as a ‘dog eats dog’ world. A society where people’s rights matter less than the rights of corporations, and poor people are just a burden, not actual people who should be supported and helped. That wasn’t really a lighter note but I did put under rants, so I’ll consider you warned in advance 😉

3 thoughts on “We need to talk about F.R.I.E.N.D.S….

  1. While I never watched the tv show you talk about, this does come along at a very interesting time for me! because I have (somewhat) recently been re-watching THE soap opera everyone watched right after school (back in the early 80s) … and NOW, as an adult woman, I’m uncomfortable with it – in fact, I have some questions///rants that I could write about it that are very similar to what you’re writing about F R I E N D S! I just cannot even tell you how timely it is to see this post!!!


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