Let’s talk about love

Remember almost a year ago when we talked about sex? Well let’s about love this time.

Is love a static thing? Romantic novels and films will have us believe that love must be pure and that it takes a certain form.

But does that even make sense? I evolve constantly as a human being, I am literally not the same person I was 10 years ago (no, literally, we change every cell in our bodies in about 10 years). As a human being I am complex, my emotions are complex. And frankly our constructs are just that – constructs – and constructs that rarely take complexity into account.


The idea of love is something we have made up – and I suffer under it constantly to be completely honest. I am constantly disappointed in other peoples actions because they don’t live up to the standards I think I should uphold. But people display their feelings in so many different ways and might not display them in the way you want or interpret to be love.

The engagement and engagement ring is a pretty good example. To show your love the proposal must be a grand gesture – and you know obviously made by him which is a whole other issue – it must be sky writing, 10.000 red roses and the ring delivered by a unicorn – and the ring must be an expensive vintage diamond worn on the Titanic and match my style completely. I may have exaggerated just a bit but you get my drift.

I am not going to tell you it’s all made up by florists and Hallmark because 1) it’s a cheap explanation as any anthropologist will tell you, nothing is that simple 2) Flowers and a Hallmark card? Are you kidding me, I’m not your grandma, I said SKY WRITING.


And the thing is I think I am a special little snowflake. I don’t want an expensive diamond or a cheesy proposal – but who the fuck am I kidding? And this is where the disappointment enters – because I should be happy that the man I love wants to marry me – but I am preeetty sure that if I don’t get a ring something like this or maybe you know, the One fucking Ring to rule them all I will be disappointed. Because I will think: “I would have it done it like this. I knew I wanted this, why didn’t he?” And there’s just no winning. Because nothing will ever be as good as my expectations, you know?

My point is simply this – which aren’t even my words but would I when these are perfect:

“Our notions about happiness entrap us. We forget that they are just ideas. Our idea of happiness can prevent us from actually being happy. We fail to see the opportunity for joy that is right in front of us when we are caught in a belief that happiness should take a particular form.”

Thich Nhat Hanh




One thought on “Let’s talk about love

  1. N proposed to me completely unexpectedly, while we were alone. He didn’t get down on one knee or give me any speeches, he just put his arms around me, flipped open the box, and asked. He said he’d been planning to ask all day and saw a thousand opportunities, but that moment was just perfect.

    And I love it. Of course, my romantic heart would have loved a huge to-do and a long speech, but it was so purely HIM to do it that way and I love that I didn’t see it coming at all. I was so surprised I nearly forgot to say “yes”!

    This is such a good thought, and that quote is really fantastic.


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