This is me and I’m okay feat. Eejewellery #2

I think a lot of you look at me and think I’m really confident and strong. Truth? No more than you.

Perfect alignment necklace c/o Eclectic Eccentricity

Dress Pinup Girl Clothing

Mug (apparently this print is not available as a mug anymore?)- Bookworm Boutique

Hair colour – Midnight Blue from La Riche

I have so many issues. I hate most of my body, from my fat upper arms to my too wide and floppy thighs to my scarred and deformed feet.

I was bullied for so many years that I still get scared when I hear someone walk up behind me because they might hit me or humiliate me some other way. Obviously that never happens anymore.

I get insanely jealous because I see no reason anyone would want to be with me and not someone skinnier, prettier or nicer.

I have a weird phobia about talking on the phone (not kidding, increased heart rate, cotton mouth. I absolutely hate it when I have to talk to someone on the phone at work which is unavoidable).

I still get rage fits from nowhere and mind numbing depressions where all I can do is to lie in bed and hope to die. I never do.

So am I just faking it? Am I pretending to be someone I’m not?

Absolutely! You know why?

The view from here Moon and earth necklace c/o Eclectic Eccentricity

Dress c/o Unique Vintage (This exact model seems to be sold out but there are plenty more colours to chose from)

Time Lord Fairy Tales from where you buy books

It’s working! Instagram and therefore you guys and the community revolving around retro/quirky fashion blogging/instagramming have done more for me than therapists ever did.

Tyrannosauros major constellation necklace c/o Eclectic Eccentricity

Dress c/o Pigtails and Pirates

Belt Silly Old Seadog

Ears and shoes – H&M

I’m not saying you can think or imagine your way out of real mental trauma btw. You can’t think your way out of depression, trust me. That takes more and in a lot of cases it takes medication because it’s not just trauma, its chemical imbalances.

But I believe you can to some extent, fake it till you make it. You can start to feel beautiful and loved. Accepted. But it takes a long time. I was told repeatedly from the age 8 to 15 that I was ugly, worthless, different, unacceptable. That my family was weird, that I was too smart (as if that’s a thing?) and I tried. I dumbed down, dressed like everyone else, tried to become an acceptable human being. But I always failed. I am this person and this broken, strange, angry, smart girl with the weird mind kept popping to the surface. And finally I don’t care anymore. This is me and I am an acceptable human being.

And so are you.

Xoxo,

Kathrine

Oh and a little tip to my American readers: Modcloth is stocking some Eejewellery!

5 thoughts on “This is me and I’m okay feat. Eejewellery #2

  1. Kære Kathrine,
    Jeg har i snart et år fulgt dig på Instagram (dine forskellige profiler derinde) og her på din blog, samt din bogblog. Jeg ved ikke særligt meget om bøger. Men jeg elsker, elsker, ELSKER at læse og det har hele mit endnu korte 28-årige liv været en måde at flygte på, men også en måde for mig at drømme på. At være en anden så længe bogen varer.
    Jeg har selv været en masse virkligt urimelige ting igennem, som følger mig hver dag. Jeg har i en lang periode lagt bøgerne på hylden, fordi jeg mistede lysten til at læse. Jeg var så utroligt fed up, at jeg ikke kunne overskue andres skæbner. Men da jeg fandt din Instagram rimeligt tilfældigt, så genopdagede jeg pludseligt en verden, som jeg havde glemt. Det var gennem din tilstedeværelse på nettet, at jeg pludselig så en flig af mig selv i dig, og så begyndte jeg ellers at læse med stor appetit igen. Du er en stor inspiration for mig, og uden den ringeste tvivl også for mange andre. Du tænker måske, at det lyder voldsomt, at en Istagram profil, en blog m.m kan få folk til at få lysten til at læse tilbage. Men det kan den åbenbart! Tak for at du er dig, og at du gider dele af dig selv og din passion for YA, læsning og smukke bøger. Det smitter! ❤ 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Unfortunately there will always be bullies in the world. I learned long ago to be just who I am and if someone doesn’t like it then f… off
    And by the way if being smart is weird then I guess there are lots of us 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Chubby uppers unite! I got that term from Miss Amy May about chubby upper arms. Giiiirrrrlll we should start a club – there are so many of us who hate our upper arms! I think we just all have chubby upper arms. GO US! I hate mine as well but have started to like them a bit in the sense that I just make jokes about them and think of them lightheartedly. I never used to so it took progress. Everything takes progress – including loving ourselves. I do mostly but some days, man, I just want to be someone else or buried in a hole. It’s tough!

    Liked by 1 person

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