Let’s talk about sex…

…whoa really? But we don’t talk about sex, do we? It’s just something you’re allowed to have if you’re in a relationship. Right?

Why should my value as a person decrease based on how many penisses I have been in contact with? Why does my worth as a human being have anything to do with the male reproductional organ at all?

And yes, I will absolutely argue that it is worse if you’re a woman. We as a society worship the Madonna. The woman who can control her urges and who is demure. Well, why the hell should I be? I’m asking a whole lot of questions here and not giving a lot of answers, I know, but I just really want you to think about this for a second. We sexualize the body all the time, but we are not allowed to have actual sex without being judged. And even if you consider yourself an accepting, liberal person I bet you get a little twitch if a 30 year old woman tells you she has had sex with let’s say 60 men. If this was consensual sex and she’s fine with it and had a good time, why do you think that’s too many? Why does that matter?

When you’re reading a book or watching a movie where the characters have been alienated; they don’t think they are going to be together and they get together with other people and you are almost shouting: “Don’t do it! He/she loves you and if you have sex with that other person all will be lost”…because that’s often how we feel isn’t it? If you have sexual relations with someone else you are tainted. Your love isn’t pure.

Well, I’ll go ahead and say it. Love and sex is not the same thing. Society tells us, especially women, that we need to be in love to have sex. We need to make sure the relationship will last to have sex. The man will leave us if we put out (and put out, the fuck? I’m getting something out of this too. Why am I just a mean to his pleasure? And if you are, honey, you are doing it wrong) too quickly. Who will buy the cow if the milk is free? (Did you just call me a cow? And what exactly is the milk in this analogy?) And again the wording suggests it’s something I do for him, not something we do for each other.

Our virginity is precious. A dainty flower. We have no urges, no desire or if we do we better be in a relationship or want to be in one. Well, news flash, people. I do. I did. I couldn’t wait to get rid of my virginity. I lost it (again the vocalubary used to describe this, lost it? I ceased being a virgin, I didn’t bleeding loose anything.) to a guy I met at a train station. I went there on purpose hoping he would be there. I had seen him before and I thought he was kinda hot (in hindsight, not so much btw 😉 ). His parents were fortunately out of town and I had sex for the first time under a poster of Geri Halliwell. I don’t remember if it was bad or good. It just was. We dated for a couple of months (or weeks? Who knows, it was a long time ago). Then I figured perhaps he wasn’t that hot, and he called a menstruation pad a diaper which was pretty much a fucking turn off. I broke up with him over a pay phone in the local super market and giggled about the surrealism about the whole thing afterwards with my girlfriend. I didn’t love him, I wasn’t heart broken, I didn’t feel like I had lost anything. I carried myself with a new weight, a different pose. I think, I felt like a woman to be all cliche and gross. Or maybe not. Maybe I was the same and had just matured because of something else.

This feeling of sex being no big deal didn’t last. I started to notice how harshly people judged you if you expressed a desire to have sex or worse had it. Slut. Whore. Promiscuous. Strumpet. Tramp. Harlot. Hooker. Bimbo. Nympho. Floozy. Please take your pick. I will quote Tyrion Lannister here: “Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.

Males and females alike will judge. But women receive the harshest judgement. If you hear people speaking up about it it will be: Why aren’t men judged the same?

I ask: Why is anyone judged at all?

Xoxo,

Kathrine – hippie and harlot. Forever unashamed.

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12 thoughts on “Let’s talk about sex…

  1. LOVE IT! I have no filter and sometimes the open way I talk about such hush-hush and judgmental things like this bothers people. WHYYYY??? Ugh. People, man! It’s our lives,our bodies, and we can do whatever we want to do!

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    • Yeah that’s another thing – all the stuff we can’t talk about, especially in front of kids. So they grow up as repressed and knowing nothing about about sex just like their parents. *sigh*

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  2. Good for you! My husband and I are poly and I’ve had a fwb for almost 2 years now. For awhile I worried about what I’d do or say in our defense if people found out but now I feel pretty strongly that “I’m a grown woman and I do what I want.” Lol

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    • And hey good for you that you do what you want! But yeah I can imagine A LOT of prejudice with a lifestyle that clashes so much with our “ideal family” idea. Same if you are a bisexual and have to stand comments like: ‘Oh so you get turned on by everyone’ og ‘hahah, bisexuals just can’t make up their minds’ and that last one often from gay people. One thing is oblivious heteronormatives, but you kinda expect more from people who experience prejudice themselves, you know. I genererally wish people would educate themselves more on different lifestyles and orientations.

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  3. And then there’s the double standard – yes, women are expected to be virginal and act innocent, but when they’re actually in a sexual relationship (or just a sexual encounter) they’re expected to act like porn stars. Virginal, innocent, untouched, pure… and also a freak in the sheets ready to fulfil man’s every desire.

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  4. First thing – you are the GREATEST ❤

    I work with a lot of girls that are just leaving college, getting ready to go off to University and the shame they have when it comes to sex is so, so sad. Lots of them have come out with super judgemental things about other women having sex and often, when I ask them why they are reacting that way to such matters, they have no answer. It is just drummed into them. I look around and try to pinpoint what it is exactly that is causing this negative reaction but it seems to be a build up of things, I guess. You are right though – women are coaxed into the head space that purity is important and it fucks up their ability to have fun with their sexuality. Instead it grabs at their confidence in horrid ways and peels it away. I do my best to reassure the girls that sex is fine and normal and great but just me rambling on alone isn't enough. Posts like this make me so happy as it shows that people want to open up about the subject and make it normal (which of course, it should be).

    The best thing I ever did was have sex with someone I barely knew a few years back. It taught me that actually, women can have sex, enjoy it and walk away without getting all weepy and sad because we need to be loved. The whole needing to be loved thing is absolute bullshit. For years I read magazines that taught me I should want to keep men interested and by doing this, I had to remain a total mystery but yeah, turns out that is total rubbish. I'm just so glad I got drunk that night and got on with it haaa.

    But yes, this post was amazing.

    AND AND AND I'm far too obsessed with you and your writing.

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  5. Pingback: Let’s talk about love | The Miss Information Blog

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